Mental load consists of the countless tasks and responsibilities that run through your mind on a daily basis. If it falls solely on one partner, the consequences for them and the rest of the family members can be disastrous. For new mothers, this burden can become particularly overwhelming. They have to navigate the demands of caring for a newborn while managing household chores, appointments, and emotional needs. Recognizing and addressing the mental load, and most importantly taking steps to reduce it is crucial for fostering a supportive environment for new mothers during this transformative period.
The Struggle of New Mothers:
The transition to motherhood is a profound and beautiful journey, but it comes with many challenges. One day you will look back on those days with love and longing. But living through them is not as fun as remembering them. From sleepless nights to constant feedings and diaper changes, the physical demands of caring for a newborn can be exhausting especially if you have another child asking for your attention. However, it is the mental load that often goes unnoticed.
When does the baby need to be fed next? What to make for lunch? Do I have to clean the dust today? Is the baby overgrowing his clothes? Should I buy something warmer for her to wear? Or is she too warm? The pressure to excel in their new role, coupled with the responsibility of managing household tasks and societal expectations, can lead to feelings of overwhelm, stress, and isolation. And as that is not enough, there is also the risk of postpartum depression and anxiety. All of this makes the already daunting task of motherhood even harder. Having a partners that steps in and provides support makes all the difference.
Supporting New Mothers:
It can be difficult for new mothers to accept they don’t have to do everything by themselves. Even harder to demand and accept help when needed. Partners play a crucial role in alleviating the mental load of new mothers and creating a nurturing environment where they can thrive. Learn how to reduce the mental load and minimize the pressure on the new mom:
Shared Responsibilities: Divide household chores and childcare tasks equitably to ensure that the burden does not fall solely on the mother’s shoulders. Don’t ask her to give you the list of the tasks that need to be done. That is adding a burden to her mental load, not alleviating it. You should know what are the daily, weekly or monthly tasks that need to be done in your household, but if you don’t, sit down together, create a chore list and divide it. Don’t put too much pressure on any of you, not all tasks need to be done as urgent as you think. Prioritize your family and spend quality time together.
Emotional Support: Actively listen to the new mother’s concerns, validate her experiences, and offer emotional reassurance and encouragement. Her hormones are going overboard; she will be feeling many feelings and she will be feeling them all at the same time. She might feel she is not an adequate mom or even have trouble bonding with the baby. Listen to her and ask for help if necessary. Do not try to diminish her feelings by saying everyone feels like that or that she will get over it. It doesn’t help and she will just stop trying to share her concerns with you.
Assistance with Baby Care: Take on tasks such as diaper changes, feeding, and soothing the baby. This will give the mother much-needed breaks and opportunities for self-care. You might not be able to do every task, but there are still many you can do. If she is taking care of the night wakings, let her sleep in the mornings while you look after the baby. Take responsibility for tummy time and encourage her to take that time for self-care. Even 15 minutes for herself can make a world of difference.
Meal Preparation: This is actually the biggest part of my mental load because I simply hate it. I don’t love cooking, but I hate hate hate meal planning. Plan and prepare nutritious meals to alleviate the stress of mealtime planning and cooking for the new mother. If you are sharing cooking duties, work together on creating a meal plan that works for both of you. Think of simple and nutritious meals that won’t have you slaving in the kitchen for hours. Take inspiration from cookbooks such as A 30-Minute Meal Cookbook by Rachael Ray or Jamie’s 30-Minute Meals. We usually also prepare at least one meal a week we can use for two days. Future us are always so grateful to Past us for this.
Errands and Logistics: Take care of grocery shopping, running errands, and managing appointments to free up the mother’s time and mental energy. My advice is to create a shared calendar and grocery list, where you can both add when needed. Then the mental load of remembering is not on just one person because the apps will do it for you.
Encourage Self-Care: Encourage the new mother to prioritize self-care activities such as rest, relaxation, and engaging in hobbies or activities that bring her joy. Sometimes she will feel guilty if she wants to do something for herself, which is why it is essential for you to encourage her. Happy mommy means happy baby. Being at the constant edge of the nervous breakdown is not good for anyone. Don’t judge on what she chooses to do for self-care. I choose to aimlessly stare into a blank space for the first five minutes. It might seem silly to my husband but I am so touched out. I just need time to reset myself to a normal person level.
Advocacy and Support: Advocate for the new mother’s needs and preferences. Start from the moment you discover you have the bun in the oven. Whether it’s communicating with healthcare providers or setting boundaries with well-meaning visitors, put her needs and needs of your family first. For example, if you use formula or expressed milk, put a stop to anyone trying to make her feel bad about not breastfeeding. If you are not ready for visitors, be clear with your boundaries and protect your family time.
By actively participating in these tasks and providing unwavering support, partners can help alleviate the mental load of new mothers and foster a positive and nurturing environment where they can thrive.
Conclusion:
Supporting a new mother goes beyond providing physical assistance. It also includes recognizing and addressing the mental load that accompanies motherhood. Partners who actively engage in tasks to alleviate this burden not only ease the pressure on the new mom but also contribute to a healthier and happier family dynamic. By working together as a team, partners can create a supportive environment where the mental well-being of the new mother is prioritized and nurtured.