My Journey

For first time parents or veteran parents, co-sleeping is a novel idea, far from the western culture’s practice of sleep training, in which infants are taught to sleep in separate rooms from the parents from day one.

For those that do not know what co-sleeping is, co-sleeping is the practice of sleeping in the same room or nearby your infant at night. Co-sleeping isn’t as widely practiced in the UK or US as it is in many other parts of the world. Reasons for that are due to modern western safety warnings and cultural views.

But here are 6 facts about co-sleeping that you may not have known:

1. Co-Sleeper cots are safe and beneficial

Co-sleeper cots are designed with three walls to ensure maximum comfort for your baby, while also making sure that they don’t roll out or get rolled on. Co-sleeper cots are beneficial to both the parents and the baby because it provides maximum proximity with the smallest risk of SIDS or accidental death. Anxiety in both the parent and infant is lowered and mothers can ensure that their child is breastfed at the most ideal moments throughout the night.

2. There are numerous benefits to co-sleeping

Babies that are introduced to a co-sleeping environment are more likely to learn to sleep through the night faster than isolated babies. It also creates an environment that fosters healthy sleeping patterns.

3. Sleep isolation isn’t the best option
   

Since the overhyped panic over SIDS being liked to bed-sharing in the early 2000s, many infant caregivers and parents have come to the conclusion that leaving their baby in isolation throughout the night is the most practical and safe option.

Yet, studies have shown that sleep isolation can impede development within infants and negatively impact bonding between the infant and its parents or caregiver. Other studies have also shown that babies who are isolated while sleeping are more likely to create emotional attachments to things like stuffed animals and toys. They use this to replace their parents, which is extremely unhealthy.

4. Co-sleeping benefits new parents more
   

Having a baby is exhausting, especially if you are a new parent. When new parents choose to isolate their babies at night, they are prolonging their exhaustion.

Throughout the night, these parents have to continuously get up to feed and check on their baby. Even if their infant does not cry throughout the night, parents are still subconsciously aware and alert as they try to get some sleep while also listening to the baby monitor. When new parents practice co-sleeping, they and their baby get more rest and the parents are readily available to tend to their baby’s needs throughout the night.

5. Co-sleeping has been around for a long, long time
   

Historical studies have shown that co-sleeping has been around for hundreds of years and has been practiced by nearly every culture in the world. Western cultures are one of the few that do not widely practice it today. Co-sleeping is completely natural and should be encouraged more, but due to the cultural views of the west, it is has fallen out of favour.

6. Sleep training is not the ideal situation for your baby
   

Sleep training is when parents not only leave their baby in isolation, but when they neglect their baby’s cries. This idea of “crying it out” has been proven to be unhealthy for infants, particularly newborns to 6-8-month-olds. Instead of calming down and turning to self-comfort, infants begin to create an anxious cry. It is important to remember that babies cannot take care of themselves. When they cry, it means something is wrong. Ignoring them and letting them continue to cry creates more harm than good.

Ultimately, parents should choose what to do based on their family and their infant’s needs.

Mothering a child is literally miraculous. As your life perspective changes, so do you. Maybe not at first, but slowly it happens. You start losing your previous identity and start to be known to the world as X’s mom. One day you realize that no one finds you intimidating and strangers feel way too comfortable asking you for directions. As wonderful as it is, there comes a point where you will start to miss the older, slightly tougher version of yourself. For everyone it comes at a different time in their lives. But it will come.

So how can you reclaim yourself while not giving up your devoted Mama status? Check out these insightful tips to get that part of yourself out of hibernation mode. The best part is that it will be fantastic for your children to see their mom making her needs a priority for once.

Get Healthy

Are you too exhausted to exercise at the end of the day? Do you eat leftovers off your child’s plate instead of making dinner for yourself? You can change your health habits slowly and effectively by marshalling resources around you. Take advantage of babysitting grandparents so you can go to a spin class. Ask your partner to help by preparing something healthy to eat.

As a bonus, cooking better for yourself will result in healthier meals for your family as well.

Leave Your House

Whether you stay at home or work outside the home, that decision is up to you. However, like everything in life, the moment you step away from something, the more you appreciate it. Much has been said and written about the work-life balance, but perhaps the most eloquent and inspiring is by Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Read her excellent piece on how she has juggled her family and her career. The way she describes how having a baby while in law school helped both her studies and being a mom is a must-read for anyone grappling with their own struggles in the matter. Time with your children is more precious when you also make time for your mind. Having work time and home time, while not easy, is immensely rewarding.

Again, everyone makes the choice depending on the needs of their families but sometimes pushing yourself out of the house can help give you a jolt of confidence and respect that is not always found at home.

Rediscover Hobbies

I know, you’re thinking, ‘Who has the time for this?!’ and you would be right. However, it’s amazing how many hobbies can be turned into practical projects for your family. Want to bring out your artistic side? Learn how to decorate a castle cake for your daughter. Does your bookshelf need updating? Try a cute and affordable idea on Pinterest. Doing something to recharge your creative batteries will give you more energy to tackle the less attractive tasks you’ve been pushing off for weeks.

Reconnect With Friends

Adults need play dates, too! Instead of texting your friends all day long without really connecting with them, put down your devices and meet them for drinks. It’s not a myth that your body feels better when you are relaxed and happy. Meeting a good friend for half an hour will do wonders for your mood and give you extra patience for those times when your toddler decides to crack a dozen eggs all over the floor.

So, think about the you that gets lost over snacktime, dinnertime and lunchtime (why are they always so hungry?!) and try one of the ideas here. Let us know in the comments how it works for you!

Mum’s with only one child faces this particular question most of the time, “When are you having another”. Such questions tend to throw mums off balance if they plan to have only one child. I am literally about to say something that might piss some people off, but in reality that will be the truth. Let’s face the fact for a second; only child is a lot easier for parents to take care of then two or more children. Most people think that having only one child seems selfish but the truth is there is no right answer to the debate of having one child or two children.

Parents who have only one child tend to give their attention, time and all the necessary benefit accruing to that child. With that, they receive criticism from friends, neighbours, and strangers who have no qualms suggesting how to live their family life. Most likely these attacks will not stop until they have reached menopause or too old to have another or adopt one. This happens because most people are of the idea that lack of sibling means your child will turn out to be selfish, or spoiled. Well, that’s not true. However, having one child gives more controlled environment and such family seems to be happier than those with more than one. Parents-to-one child family seems very peaceful, giving them more room to be attuned with the child’s emotional needs. Here are some stats which have shown that there are steady rise in one child family in most developed countries.

• 46 percent of families in England have one child
• A recent US census conducted state that 22 percent of families have one child and 30 percent in metropolitan areas
• One child families represent 30 percent in Portugal and Spain.

Susan Newman, a social psychologist in her book ‘Parenting an only child’, stated that the number of one child families is rising because

• In this economic times, the cost of child care is of most concern
• Both parents are working and may find it difficult to take care of more than one child
• 50% of families divorce before they have another child

New Pew Research Center discovered that women are now reluctant on giving birth; A decrease in birth rates were most experienced between 2007 (before the recession) and 2011 (the latest data available).

One child parents are they really selfish?

Children without siblings are said to be lonely, bossy and spoiled but studies have shown that they are not different from their peers. 65 percent of mothers with kids work to support their family. They find it stressful and difficult to work while raising their kids. The impact of losing your job to take care of your kids in these current economic times can be devastating and that tends to dissolve the idea of having more kids. It’s not selfish to choose to give birth to one child because of individual concerns like finances, health and jobs. That is being realistic.

25 Things Every Mother Should Tell Her Daughter

1. Be kind to others. We are constantly competing with everyone and life is more beautiful when we all just work together.

2. You will be hurt, but you will survive.

3. Don’t be hard on yourself when you fail in something. Learn from your mistakes.

4. You will do stupid things from time to time. How you handle those situations is what counts.

5. Stand up for yourself and for those that can’t stand up for themselves.

6. Embrace people’s differences.

7. Do What makes you happy.

8. Make world a better place. You can do it.

9. In the end, it’s not how much money you have. It’s how you lived your life.

10. You are beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you you are not.

11. Always challenge yourself.

12. It’s OK to be wrong!

13. Dream!

14. If you love somebody, show them your love!

15. Don’t settle for anything!

16. You are unique. There’s no one like you.

17. Be patient.

18. Don’t be afraid to give it a try.

19. Love yourself so you can love others.

20. Don’t dream your life, live your dreams.

21. It’s not about the destination, it’s the journey that matters.

22. Take responsibility for the mistakes you make.

23. Don’t lie. Don’t cheat. Don’t steal.

24. No one ever succeeded without trying.

25. I love you, and no matter what, I will always love you.

Those are the things I want my daughter learns from me. Every single one of them is important – and there are much more I could add to the list. After all, the parents are responsible to help those little people be the best version of themselves.

Is there some important life lesson you would add to your list? What is that one thing you would say it is most important? Do you remember life lessons your parents have taught you?

Share with us in the comments section.

Whether it is your third, second or fourth, there comes a time in every woman’s life when she wonders if she is ready for another child. We only have one child at the moment, so I am constantly thinking if I am really ready for another child or maybe I should have only one.

The good experiences from being with your children and raising them might inspire you to continue being a parent and expand the family, but because those decisions should never be taken lightly, here are some things to consider.

Do you have the time and resources?

Every mom thinks she will always have time for her children, and that’s largely true. But sometimes it might be difficult balancing everything – a relationship, troubled kids with different age spams, a job… If your parenting experience is mostly related to toddlers and babies, you might not be so aware of the toll it takes raising teenagers or tweens. You have to make sure to share your affections, give each one their special time, make them feel loved individually and not only as a group.

What stage are you in your professional career?

If you are thinking about having more babies, you might be in a comfortable stage of your career. But if you aren’t, if you still think you need to work much harder in order to move up, then you should really consider if having a baby at this stage would be a positive thing. If you already have a child, chances are you already need to plan your schedule very well to make sure you can be a parent and a working mom. This might reflect negatively in your productivity.

Also, by the time you go back into the workforce, you might already be too old to return to your job and find a new one in a similar position. Working moms who lived for a while as stay-at-home moms often struggle to find a job that matches their qualifications and experience.

Are you an older parent?

This is a tricky one. Older women who get pregnant have higher chances of having babies with disabilities or suffering from complications during childbirth. Even though it is a very sad thing to think about, if you are an older parent you need to think about whether you would have the resources to look after a sick child. Many people are parents of disabled children and love it, but those who cannot afford proper treatments and childcare are often stranded with nowhere to turn. It might be a strange thing I ask you to consider, but even doctors will let you know that giving birth to a disabled child after 40 is not an uncommon occurrence and you should be ready for that.

How did you know you are ready for another child?

When you are pregnant, plenty of people are going to come up to you and either talk about the joy or the horror of raising kids. But there are some things they don’t tell you – so we will.

1. The zen is over

You will never have a quiet moment in your life. If you can see your kid and can tell he is okay, you’ll feel relieved but wondering what you can do better; if your kid in somewhere else away from you, you won’t rest until you can have him near you again. When you go to sleep, you are trained to wake up at any noise lest your child be in danger. When they start demanding more independence, you’ll grant it to them with a knot in your stomach.

Having children means becoming eternally connected to another human being that you adore. Rest isn’t even on the programme – you’ll feel obliged to be available at all times, even when you clearly shouldn’t be.

2. Things fall into place

Having children can put things into order. Not practically – kids can be very chaotic and disorganized, after all – but mentally. Before having children, people prioritize different things in life and wonder in what they should be focused on. A career? A hobby? My friends? Now, there are no such questions- your kids become your utmost priority and reason to live, even if you have a thriving professional life and a wide range of friendships. There’s just no way someone can replace that feeling of finally coming home and see your children smile at you.

3. The world is never the same again

Having children will affect the way you experience the world. You’ll find new threats everywhere – the pointy edges of the table, the strangers in the streets, the bully in the playground, but you will also discover other sources of pleasure. Having a stroll at the park can seem a bit dull compared to going out to a club or trying a hip restaurant, but when you are with your children, seeing them play around and feel incredibly joyful just because you decided to start throwing a ball around, you’ll have little moments of joy in unexpected situations.

4. Being a kid again

You’ll relive your childhood through your kids’ lives. This is both in a good and bad way – on the one hand, you’ll re-watch old kids movies and laugh again at the simplistic jokes, because your son is absolutely delighted when you do. On the other hand, you will at times feel so helpless and confused as you did when you were young – everything is this experience is so new you might find yourself not knowing who or where to turn for straight answers and solutions.

5. Forgiving Mom and Dad

Finally, becoming a parent often involves improving the relationship with your own parents. Certain gray areas of your childhood and teenage years, some sorrows, regrets and resentments will fade as you understand better your parent’s choices, even if you still don’t agree with them.